Self-care and self-love are selfish… But what exactly does that mean?
First, let's talk about the word "selfish." Selfish is an adjective: lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's profit or pleasure. The way selfish is defined often doesn't give you a warm fuzzy feeling, does it? Let me expand some more.
Sometimes it’s okay to be a little selfish because, with a little more self-love, there’s more love in the world as a whole.
By now, you have already heard about self-care. It surrounds us every day, even when we don’t notice it. When we fly, they tell us to put on our oxygen mask before we help others. I used to think, "yeah right, I'm definitely putting on my daughter's first." Yet, the reality is, if we don't get oxygen into our lungs first, we won't have any life to help others! Self-care is selfish, and it should be your top priority because it’s through self-care that you can effectively care and show up for others in your life.
Below are my top five suggestions to help you create a sound self-care practice with self-love in mind.
Carving out time.
"I'd love to, but I don't have time!" You have it; you're just not allocating enough for yourself. I'd like to challenge you to change your relationship with time. We must make time! Maybe that means you wake up a little earlier or stay up a little later, perhaps you really analyze your "to-do list" and re-evaluate your priorities. There is always room for edits. Whatever it is, make your self-care at the top of your to-do list. You'll find that all the to-do tasks somehow get done, and you might even have time to spare.
Ask for help.
Why do we have this deep desire to do it all alone? You can totally do it all, but you shouldn’t have to. Let's normalize asking for help! Ask yourself for more grace, a partner to tackle a task or watch the kids, or ask your kids for quiet time. It is okay to ask for help, and you deserve it! You might even find a way to help yourself while helping others at the same time.
Create a practice.
What is it that fills your tank? Define it for yourself. Our practice of self-care doesn't have to be the same and it can change every day! It could be reading, journaling, meditating, working out, or something completely different. Notice the activities that fuel you, keep you aligned with your values, and energize you. Once you know the act, make it a priority and practice. Start with one activity that is JUST FOR YOU and commit to it every day. Once you see the impact, you can continue to build, add, edit, and delete. Remember, you have the time, and you can also ask for help!
Have grace.
SO you didn't work out, journal, or meditate today. OH WELL! Tomorrow is a brand new day and a unique opportunity to begin again. We are often way too hard on ourselves (and each other). My journey isn't your journey, so don't compare yourself to me or anyone else. No one expects perfection of you! It's about progress, not perfection. Embrace grace.
Be the keeper of your thoughts.
The grass always seems greener, doesn’t it? We are constantly looking at each other and comparing ourselves. Why do we do this? What purpose does it serve us? Your thoughts become your reality. So whatever you're telling yourself becomes your truth. If you look in the mirror and focus on your flaws, the flaws will consume you. So, instead, I challenge you to focus on the positive things about yourself and don't dwell on negative thoughts. Be mindful of the thoughts inside. Plant POSITIVE seeds, water them, and watch them grow!
This is your time, your journey, and you can recreate your world! Sometimes it’s okay to be a little selfish because, with a little more self-love, there’s more love in the world as a whole.